(JaeMin) A walk down memory lane (9/11)

[evangellie.livejournal.com]

A walk down memory lane (9/11)
jaemin
PG
angst, fluff
1516 words (total: 11'332)
thanks to sharkbait_ha, who corrected my mistakes. &hearts
Memory is a tricky thing. Love is too.
parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11.
Note: It's not the definitive version as liang_xing_xing was too busy to point out my mistakes. But as I am leaving Monday and don't know when I will have internet access, I am posting it now.



The morning after
You know you love someone when you want them to be happy, even if their happiness means that you aren't part of it.
~unknown


"-shouldn't we-"

"-fever, I think-"

"-hyung, you stay-"

Your eyes fluttered open at the sound of voices discussing. Your headache had worsened and you felt dizzy as you sat up. You looked behind the couch and saw the four of them standing in the corridor leading to the front door. You could only see Yunho's perplexed expression.

"Ah! Changmin, you're awake," he said, when your gazes met. You began to nod but stopped when you noticed it didn't help your pounding head. You cleared your throat, wincing a little at its soreness, before asking: "What are you doing in the hallway?"

The others turned to face you, except for Jaejoong, who was staring at his feet. Yoochun passed an arm around his shoulders and responded to your question.

"Nothing. We were just going to leave. Jaejoong will stay with you," and with that he pushed Jaejoong towards you and pulled a confused Junsu with him as he reached for the front door, "you coming Yunho?"

"But where to?"

Yoochun frowned, "where we said we would go yesterday, remember?"

"Did we? I thought..."

Yoochun interrupted him, stepping on his left foot, "I know, I said I didn't want to go there but you insisted so much that I had to change of opinion," he then winked at Jaejoong, "have fun. We'll see you later."

And they were gone. Leaving you and Jaejoong in a uncomfortable silence.

"So...," you both said at the same time and Jaejoong followed, "ah, go on, Min."

"Err... Nothing really," you paused to find something to say, "has Yoochun hyung always been this discreet?"

Jaejoong let escape a little laugh, covering his mouth. Then there was another silence and, "how are you feeling? You should lie down again."

You did just that, noticing the white blanket covering your legs. You pulled it up so you wouldn't have to answer, and closed your eyes. A cool hand made you open them almost immediately, focusing on Jaejoong's worried face.

"You are too warm."

You closed your eyes again as the hand left your forehead, and began pushing your hair out of your face.

"Why did Yoochun want to leave us alone?"

The hand froze and your eyes searched for Jaejoong's fleeing ones.

"Aren't you hungry? You should eat something to regain strength," and he fled to the kitchen. You sighed and let yourself fall in a sleepy state. You had wanted to hear Jaejoong telling you all about your relationship but you were too afraid to plainly ask -- you had the impression he would lie anyway -- and felt too tired to probe until he broke.

Jaejoong came back holding a tray where sat a smoking bowl of soup. He put it down on the coffee table and you scooted away from the edge of the couch so he could sit next to you. Feeling his back against your side reminded you of the kiss he had given you when he thought you asleep. You felt your stomach knot itself.

"Can you sit up? It would be easier to eat."

"I'm not really hungry," but your weak protest didn't stop Jaejoong to help yourself up. He made you turn so you would be half leaning against his chest, half against the couch, an arm around your shoulders, nearly sitting on his lap. He stretched his arms to reach for the bowl and a spoon. You let your head fall against the back of the couch, trying to lean more on it than on Jaejoong.

"Not hungry," you mumbled.

"If I had a free hand I would poke and tickle you so you would stop being grumpy."

"Still not hungry," and you felt dizzy anyway.

"Come on. Don't be stubborn or I'll be obliged to feed you like a baby."

You frowned, hiding your face against the couch, the fabric muffling your words, "not a baby."

Jaejoong nudged you with his shoulder, "so be a man and open your mouth."

You turned your head to glare at him and to argue with him but he cut you short by sticking the spoon in your mouth. You swallowed, your throat prickled and you glared at Jaejoong anyway. He stuck his tongue at you.

"Got you," he dived the spoon in the bowl again and lifted it up to your mouth, "say ahh... Here comes the airplane!"

You sighed and opened your mouth. The taste wasn't bad -- tomato flavoured -- and seeing Jaejoong's victorious smile made your headache become lighter. A few spoonfuls later, Jaejoong stopped feeding you and you realised that you were half asleep; your head resting on his shoulder. He put the bowl back on the table and helped you lie down, arranging the pillows and the blanket. Once he was done and you were comfortably installed, he tried to move away but your hand flew to his wrist and you pulled him back to you, making him lie next to you. A bitter-sweet smile appeared on his lips before he kissed you on your forehead.

"You are a baby."

You tightened your hold on him, "I'm just momentarily ill."

Jaejoong sighed, "you are," and you felt those words didn't only refer to your cold.

Your feelings were a mess; you felt happy, sad, tired and lost yet determined at the same time and you didn't know how to begin to sort them out. Though you knew one thing, you felt more happy than sad and more determined than lost when Jaejoong was there.

-----

You woke up alone and feeling better. A look at the window showed you it was late and with the help of the crutches, you got up, needing to go to the bathroom. The shoes in the vestibule told you the others were back and you made a note in your mind to ask Junsu where they had gone. When you passed Yoochun and Jaejoong, you caught your name and you instinctively stopped to listen. The door was half-opened and you saw Yoochun, probably frowning at Jaejoong. You could only see his feet as he was sitting on his bed.

"I left you alone with Changmin so you could try to arrange things with him and you... What are you talking about? Giving up? I don't understand."

You felt your chest tighten and heard Jaejoong sigh.

"The accident. Perhaps all this happened because our relationship wasn't supposed to be. Like a punishment, you know."

Yoochun looked utterly surprised, "a punishment?"

There was small pause and you had to strain your ears to catch Jaejoong's whisper, "for being two men," he didn't let Yoochun respond, "perhaps... I should give up. It would be better for Changmin if... if he met a nice girl or... He has never been with a woman after all and I was the one who-"

"Jae! You know the accident isn't your fault, right? You know you didn't force Changmin, right? He wouldn't have let you anyway," he paused to take his breath while yours seemed to have stopped in your chest, "I can understand why you didn't want to tell him about your relationship but this... this... What are you talking about, dammit?! Don't you love him?!"

Jaejoong's voice wavered, "it's precisely because I love him."

Yoochun passed a hand in his hair and you stepped back, your back touching the wall behind you.

"Changmin? Are you alright?"

Yunho's worried voice startled you and you tried your best to hold back the tears threatening to spill on your cheeks. You cleared your throat.

"I'm okay."

"You sure? You still look pale. You should go lie down again."

You finally dared to look at Yunho as Yoochun opened his door, a panicked Jaejoong behind him.

"I was just going to the bathroom."

"Are we having a meeting in the hallway?" asked Junsu, as he came from behind Yunho. You looked at the floor. He pinched his lips together, "what's with this weird mood? First Yoochun this morning wanting absolutely we go to the zoo and now I am excluded of our new hallway meetings, or what?"

"I was just on my way to the bathroom," and you started going away not bothering to stop at Yoochun's calls. You locked the bathroom's door and let yourself slide against it to sit on the floor.

Your heart hurt and your hand clutched at your chest. Jaejoong thought your relationship was wrong? He didn't even try to have you back? He didn't want you back? But he had said he loved you. He had kissed you. And those strange expressions he had on his face when he looked at you. Those things had to mean something and why did it hurt so much when he said it was better to give up?

The tears fell freely from your eyes. What should you do?




A/N: So... mmm. Not too dramatic I hope? The "here comes the airplane" is for deftonsita. Hope you like. &hearts I am liking Yoochun more and more each time and Jaejoong is being his stupid self. ^^; Next I want to write a bit of HoMin too, though I am not sure. I am also being resigned to the fact it is going slowly...
Thank you a lot for reading!

Also. Pimping in_vazn.

Comments

[evangellie.livejournal.com]

Yoochun won't let him! :P
He has. >_< But has some good ones; being when Jae kissed him...

Thanks for your comment. ^^ Thanks, though it's more one year of study to a foreign country than a trip.

[kratynoi.livejournal.com]

I expect nothing less from Yoochun. ^^
That's true, I'll give Changmin that one.

Study abroad! That should be fun...interesting if nothing else (I want to do that). If I may ask, where are you headed to?

[evangellie.livejournal.com]

XD

I currently live in Switzerland and I am going to Spain. ^^

[kratynoi.livejournal.com]

Really?!?! Exciting then. All the best of luck to you then. ^^