(JaeMin) A walk down memory lane (11/11 - completed)

[evangellie.livejournal.com]

A walk down memory lane (11/11)
jaemin
PG
angst, fluff
1758 words (total: 14'740)
thanks to sharkbait_ha and liang_xing_xing, who both corrected my mistakes. &hearts
Memory is a tricky thing. Love is too.
parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11.




You looked straight into Jaejoong's eyes, your hand coming to rest on his, still on your face. He seemed lost but you didn't leave him time to voice his confusion as you leaned forward, slowly approaching your face to his, your eyes closing as you grew closer, to finally brush your lips against his in a shy kiss.


Confession
"Deep in my heart I'm concealing things that I'm longing to say. Scared to confess what I'm feeling - frightened you'll slip away."
~from the movie Evita




Your lips left his and your hand flew up to your mouth but before you realized fully what you had just done, Jaejoong was kissing you again. It wasn't shy anymore; he was half sitting on the table, gripping your arm tightly.

"Changmin, you haven't forgotten we're to go to the hospital tomo-"

You heard Yunho's voice in the background and soon your eyes opened to Jaejoong licking his lips and you couldn't help but think of the feel of them on yours. Jaejoong lowered himself from the table, putting distance between the two of you, but his grip on your arm didn't loosen. "It's not what it looks like."

Yunho frowned, his voice a mix of angry and worry. "So you weren't really kissing Changmin on the dining table, were you?"

"I..." He looked away, tightening his hold on you.

You had never seen Yunho lose control so badly. "Care to explain?"

Jaejoong opened his mouth, closed it several times, and finally settled for a sigh, a pained look on his face. A pained look you had put there. You removed his hand from your arm -- ignoring his apparent distress increasing at your movement -- to hold it tightly in yours.

"I kissed him first," you said.

"Wha-"

"I kissed him first," you repeated, seeing Yunho's bewildered face. "And I'd do it- I will do it again."

Your heart beat wildly in your chest and you had to look away from Yunho. Your gaze settled on the door frame just in time to see Junsu and Yoochun enter the dining room. Junsu stopped abruptly, making Yoochun stumble into and lean on him.

"What's up with this atmosphere? Did someone die?" asked Junsu, glancing briefly at you and Jaejoong's tangled hands before looking right into Yunho's eyes.

You bit your lips in anticipation but Yunho stayed silent and Junsu's stare slid on you. Your chest hurt and your legs felt tingly; you had the desire to run away. Like in a bad movie. Except you had a broken leg and you couldn't possibly betray the decision you had taken earlier and, of course, Jaejoong. Jaejoong. You looked at him from the corner of your eye and saw his face was devoid of emotion. You felt his grip on your hand loosen and you knew he would run away if you didn't do anything.

You lifted your free hand, gently making him turn his face towards yours, two fingers under his chin. You closed your eyes, feeling all the gazes on you, and you kissed the corner of Jaejoong's lips.

It had been a quick kiss but you couldn't lift your eyes from the floor. You were sure your grip on Jaejoong had to hurt him.

"Finally," said Yoochun, relief evident in his voice, making you look up in surprise. "Though it's not the smoothest way to tell them, if you want my opinion."

"You knew?" asked Yunho, anger making his voice shake.

Yoochun nodded while Junsu looked lost. "What are you all talking about? What does Yoochun know?"

"That Jaejoong's corrupting Changmin while he's still weak," said Yunho, looking pointedly at Jaejoong. Weak, your mind repeated.

"Huh?" Junsu threw a confused look at Yoochun, who frowned.

"What are you saying? You got it all wrong."

"Do you think this badly of me?" said Jaejoong, speaking for the first time since the beginning. His voice wavered and you could hear the tears that were threatening to fall. Yunho looked away, biting his lower lip. You kept repeating to yourself it was your fault and why weren't you doing something?

"I remember some bits," you blurted out, clinging to the first idea that you had thought of, "it's very vague but... before the accident, Jaejoong hyung and I, we..."

"They were together," finished Yoochun. Junsu looked at him, blinking repeatedly, his head tilting in confusion. "They were in love and all that."

"Wha..." Unable to withstand Junsu's troubled look and your gaze fell on the floor, once again.


"You kept this secret from Junsu and me?" asked Yunho.

"We were going to tell you but... It wasn't long before the accident and then..." said Jaejoong.

"What about Yoochun? Why does he know?" asked Junsu, a tinge of sadness in his voice.

"I walked in on them."

"And you didn't tell us?"

"It wasn't my place to tell."

Jaejoong snorted. "You still did in the end."

There was a second of silence and a small smile broke on Yoochun's face. "I guess I did."

There was an awkward silence before you spoke again. Your memory broken, you needed to mend everything else. "Yunho hyung, Jaejoong isn't taking advantage of me. I know what I'm doing."

Yunho sighed, "promise?"

You smiled. "I promise." A little white lie wouldn't hurt and, well, you almost knew what you were doing so... You weren't going to let go the only thing that felt right.

"So Changminnie is gay," muttered Junsu. "That would explain why his favourite colour is purple."

You blinked repetitively while Yoochun tried to hide his smile behind his hand. Jaejoong muffled his laughters -- which were a bit too nervous for your taste -- in the crook of your neck. You frowned. "Purple is pretty and I like it and that has nothing to do with being homosexual."

Junsu snorted, winking at you. "Yeah. Right." You were going to stick your tongue at him but the almost smile on Yunho's lips startled you. You mouthed a thanks to Junsu.



----


It was raining. You were sitting in front of the window, being hypnotized by the raindrops falling down. A month had passed since the accident. Your leg had healed but your old memories were still scattered jigsaw pieces. Strangely you were okay with that and you thought it surely had to do with the new memories you were making.

Two hands on your eyes startled you out of your thoughts and a voice you knew well asked the cliché question, "who am I?"

You sighed, "Jaejoong. And your hands are awfully cold."

Jaejoong let his hands fall on your shoulders and leaned his head on yours. "Are they? Anyway I was wondering if you wanted to go out?"

"It's raining."

"I know."

You thought about the homework waiting on your desk and the uncomfortable feeling of Jaejoong's chin digging on the top of your head. You still said yes in the end and soon you found yourself laughing under Jaejoong's red umbrella while he splashed you, jumping in the biggest puddles.

And then the laughter died and you saw the car coming right at you and you could only close your eyes, thinking that, of course, you needed more drama in your life and a second car accident.

When you opened your eyes again, you saw Jaejoong's panicked eyes as he pushed you out of danger. Your head hit the pavement and you saw stars. You felt Jaejoong on top of you, still breathing, still breathing, and you lost consciousness.


You woke in an ambulance. You couldn't suppress a grimace at the taste of blood in your mouth and at the headache beginning to pound at the back of your head. You tried to sit up but the paramedics didn't let you. And Jaejoong? An image of the red umbrella flying appeared in your mind. They told you not to worry and relax. You nodded even though you still saw the frightened eyes in your mind.

Everything passed in a blur: the ride, the white of the hospital and its scent, the doctor, the exams. You felt nauseous and everything else felt strangely surreal. When finally they said you were fine, you ran to Jaejoong's room (Yunho hadn't wanted to say anything), Junsu on your heels.

You stopped in front of the door, number 203, and tried to take a deep breath only to find your chest unbearably tight. You wondered if Jaejoong had felt this way when you first had the accident. You pushed the door open.

Yoochun was already sitting next to the bed, a hand on Jaejoong's arm. He turned his head towards you, the sound of the door hinges alerting your presence.

"Hey. How are you?" he asked as Junsu pushed you from behind. You had stayed frozen at the door frame, guilt making its way to your heart. He had saved you and it was your place he occupied on the bed, it whispered. It's because of you and only you..

"Fine," you lied, finally entering the room. You walked to the front of Jaejoong's bed, your eyes glued to the floor. You heard a third person enter the room and the door being gently closed.

"How is he?" asked Yunho. There was no response and you felt the weight of Junsu's gaze on the back of your head. You lifted it and Jaejoong's pale face was like a blow to your heart.

What stopped your heart was seeing Jaejoong's eyes beginning to flutter to finally settle on you. You heard Junsu let out a small cry, the sigh escaping from Yunho's mouth and saw Yoochun tighten his hold on Jaejoong. You blinked twice and parted your dry lips but no sound came out.

"You've really bad luck," he whispered. You shook your head, tears threatening to spill from your eyes. He smiled. "I want a kiss from the princess I rescued."

You walked, nearly ran, to him. Yoochun got up, a fleeting hand on your shoulder as he gave you his place. Jaejoong's eyes were shining -- and also a bit dazed from the painkillers -- and you pressed a soft kiss to his lips. His hand fled to your nape, preventing your from moving away. You found yourself being kissed with tongue and teeth and when it stopped because you were both breathless, he whispered got you in your ear.

"Love you," you responded and you felt his breath catch in his throat. "I love you," you said again. And again. And again. Until he hit you for being cheesy, his skin now a gentle shade of red.

You could live with memories missing; after all you could still make plenty of them if you had your most important person with you.



End.


A/N.: It took me forever to write this chapter. Sorry. (bis) Except this time it was really forever, probably because I had problem to write the end (even though I knew what I wanted to put in it, well, weird).
Having started it around 01.03.07, I can't help but think it has been nearly a year, which means I am incredibly slow and terribly better at one-shots. I think I will stick to finish the story before posting them, less blocking on my part and less waiting on yours. Which takes me to:
thanks a lot to those who stuck around and read it to the end (and even to those who only read bits). &hearts Also thanks to the betas and simp_anna for the moral support.

Comments

[deftonsita.livejournal.com]

YAAAY!!!

[deftonsita.livejournal.com]

... OMG IS OVER!!!!!!

big LOL at Yunho, srsly, be more open minded leadershi and srsly Jaejoong corrupting Changmin?? HAHAHA that was a good laugh XDDD

"So Changminnie is gay," muttered Junsu. "That would explain why his favourite colour is purple."
That and because he wants to be raped, Sigmund Fraud told me that XDDDD and i can't stop saying it! XDDD

AW~! WHY IN ALL THE FFICS MY POOR JUNSU IS ALWAYS BLUNT XDD

OMG! U EVIL LITTLE THING! when i started to read about the accident i actually thought that the ending was going to be awfully angsty! DD:!!! you gave me a heart attack and now i'm like 6576545348 years older, thanks Mexico HAHAHA XDD BUT NOOO!! YAYAYAYAYAYA!! IT WAS SOOOOOO SWEEET AND I LOVE PRINCESS CHANGMIN AND PRINCE JAE! THEY SHOULD GET MARRY AND HAVE LOADS OF BABIES YAYAYAYAYAYA!! AND LIVE HAPPY FOREVER!!! 8D!!


Thanks for writing this girl, i love it! every chapter of it! and is over ;_;


AND I WAS FIRST BITCHES!! WOHOOOOOOOOOOO~~!! 8D!!!!

[evangellie.livejournal.com]

It is. I am kind of sad. ;_;

Yunho just worries about them. *pets ho*

Because Junsu is a blunt person (it's the innocence in him that makes him like that :P).

I know, I know. But I thought I gave plenty of hints towards the happy end? (
But yeah, based on my other fics, it's like... totally normal to suspect the angsty end. But happy suits the tone of the fic better, I think.

You're welcome! I am happy you liked it. <33333

XD

[deftonsita.livejournal.com]

Yeah! i know how it feels when u finish a long fanfic... is like "MY BABY~~!"" *cries* aHAHAHAH XD

LOL Junsu... innocence??? XDD

Yeahm, is like we love the angst, srsly and i can't blame u, we work better with that 8D

[sweettap.livejournal.com]

Wow! How many months has it been already?

YAAAAAYY!!!! Lovely fic. Most of the chapters just isolated me from the earth. :P

Thanks a lot. I really enjoyed reading this fic.

[evangellie.livejournal.com]

I really don't want to count. ^^;

Aww, thank you for all your kind comments. <333

[kurogoma.livejournal.com]

for a moment, i wondered why yunho was angry that jae and min were kissing, then i went back to some of the older chapters and then smack myself in the forehead.

oh right....nobody knew except yoochun XD

god, i missed this fic. and it's over! but thank you for the happy ending.
and thank you for writing and finishing it. it has been a lovely read.

^^

[evangellie.livejournal.com]

That's my fault for being so late... ^^

You're welcome and happy ending was definitively what most suited the fic. Thanks for your comment. <33

[theresa-lynne.livejournal.com]

Awww. I thought he'd regain his memories... but he didn't. That makes me sad. Even if they ended up together in the end. *sniffle*

But yay for being able to finish it. I've enjoyed reading every bit of the way.

[evangellie.livejournal.com]

I didn't find a way to give them back (I personally don't like the "suddenly remembering everything") but I think he is going to slowly remember some of his memories.

Thanks, I am happy you enjoyed it. <3

[flip-reverse.livejournal.com]

This was so sweet~
Somehow, I liked the fact that even though he never regained his memories, Changmin still loves Jaejoong.
Totally worth the wait of every chapter. Congratulations on finishing it!

[evangellie.livejournal.com]

Thanks. ^^
Yes, I think Changmin would be stubborn enough to try and have everything back, including his relationship with Jaejoong (that's the down to earth explanation. There is always the "love can surpass even amnesia" one. ^_~).
Awww, thanks again for your sweet comment! <3

[roseltv.livejournal.com]

U give me a little heart attack there. I thought u're gonna make Jae lose his memory this time. True love wins all huh? Coz even with a blurry memory, it's still Jae that Min loves.

[evangellie.livejournal.com]

XD I decided not to be this cruel; they deserved a happy end after all this angst. Oh! I love "blurry memory", that's a nice way to say it. And yep, it's cheesy but true love wins. XDDD

[mrsedjack.livejournal.com]

Oooooh. *_______________*
I think I remember reading one chapter of this - the one right after the accident. Although for some reason, I forgot all about it. :/
...Which is why I was up all last night reading the whole fic over again. >< I didn't go to bed before around 3AM!

But I really enjoyed reading it - it's lovely. ^^ Very beautifully written, I like the little glimpses Min gets, instead of him getting it all back at once.

You frowned. "Purple is pretty and I like it and that has nothing to do with being homosexual." I like purple too. xD *hugs Min*

[evangellie.livejournal.com]

Oh! Thank you very much! I am happy you liked it (and read it until 3am. Woua. XD)

I figured it made more sense (and it would be more interesting) if he just had some pieces.

XDD Purple is pretty.
Thanks again for your comment! <3

[kratynoi.livejournal.com]

OMG!!! That was such...words can't describe how perfect the ending was. ^^

You could live with memories missing; after all you could still make plenty of them if you had your most important person with you.
I'm glad you didn't have all the memories come back to Changmin...that would have been cliche.

And Changmin....liking purple isn't bad, really. XD He's too adorable.

There really were too many favorite moments here. I'm so sad to see this come to an end, but I'm so very happy that it ended well. ♥♥♥

[evangellie.livejournal.com]

Oooh! Thank you for your nice comment! &heartss
Ending is (for me at least) the hardest part to write and I am really happy you think it fitted the fic.

There was already too much cliché stuff going on (like the amnesia one :P) for me to do this one. But I love clichés. XD

Aww~ Thank you for having read all chapters and liking it. <3

[with-mint.livejournal.com]

I'm slow to see this, but Aww..
It's finally over! (I'm gonna miss it T_T) or maybe it's just the beginning for them ^^

"So Changminnie is gay," muttered Junsu. "That would explain why his favourite colour is purple."
LOL! Love this light moment in the mid of a serious situation.

I have a near heart attack when they met with the second accident. Surely you're that cruel?! I'm glad it turned out otherwise. xD

I'm not good with words, so I can't say well how beautifully it was written (the wordings, the pace of the story) and how much I'd reading enjoyed this fic, but thank you for writing this story, completing it and most importantly~ giving it JaeMin a happy ending! ♥



p.s: You should have a poster for this! :)

[with-mint.livejournal.com]

Surely you're that cruel?!

manual edit: Surely you're not that cruel?!
:)

[evangellie.livejournal.com]

maybe it's just the beginning for them ^^
ooh~ exactly. ^^

No, I am not that cruel (well, not in this fic at least :P).

Your comment is lovely (and I like you tell me what you thought of some passage in particular.) I am really happy you enjoyed the fic and the fic screamed for a happy end. xD

&hearts

p.s: Really? I don't know. (This fic also needs serious rewriting too, for the earlier chapters...)

[chloe1910.livejournal.com]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwww...........

I love the ending!! For a moment there, you almost gave me a heart attack...I thought you were going to kill either Jae or Min...

Sigh..Lady Luck is really not on Minnie side..to have 2 accidents within a span of one month is damn bad luck...

[evangellie.livejournal.com]

XDDD

I would have done that; the story called for a happy ending.

Yeah, but at least he has his friends and Jae. He has good luck in he bad luck. :P

Thanks for reading and commenting. <3

[tvfxqluvz02.livejournal.com]

i just can't stop myself to read the ending first bcoz i hate sad ending especially for jaemin....
but after i know it's a happy one i read it til the end..althoung i'm sooo sleepy but can't stop myself from reading it..huhuhu~
thankz for writing such a great story..*off to bed*-.-

[evangellie.livejournal.com]

Thanks for reading and commenting. I am happy you liked it. <333
(I hope you slept well. ^^)

[tvfxqluvz02.livejournal.com]

i read this story b4 and now i read it all over again..after reading like half of it i remember that i read this b4 but it's a good refresh..*i think i lost some of my brain cell*^^

[evangellie.livejournal.com]

Sometimes it happens to me too. (And sometimes I like to reread some stories. ^^)

[emda.livejournal.com]

AWESOME!!!!
Love it!!!!!!!!
Sweetest Jaemin I have read in a long time!!!!!
LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!

[evangellie.livejournal.com]

Aww~ thanks &hearts I am glad you liked it.

[hollyhockyuu.livejournal.com]

I loved the fanfic I have read all the chapters in one day n_n (Sorry my bad english)

[evangellie.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much! &hearts (It's okay. You didn't make any mistakes. ^^) Sorry for the late reply!

[haizul.livejournal.com]

OMG I LOVE LOVE LOVED THIS FIC. LOVE!!! ♥♥♥ SWEET AND FLUFFY WITH JUST A DAB OF ANGST!!! (i can't take too much angst X3) 8DDDD ♥ *flies around on imaginary wings* wheee~~ i just adore your writing! JaeMin is sooooooooooooo cute!! ♥ I was scared when they got into the accident, but gaaaaaaaah... thank goodness they're okay!! >___<
am mem-ing this and will definitely re-read this a lot!! ^___^ *hugs you* awesome stuff ^o^b ♥

[evangellie.livejournal.com]

Oh thank you! &hearts

*hugs back*

Your comment warmed my heart. <3

[evangellie.livejournal.com]

:D I'm happy the ending didn't disappoint you.

Thank you for your comments! :D

[sweettap.livejournal.com]

Eek! I read it again!!~~ After maybe about 2 years? :/
Still hasn't failed to make me have butterflies in my stomach *big grin*
Although car accident is such a cliche, you made the event seem so... nice, and the cliche title got ripped apart. Haha, thanks (again)!! (I hope I said so long ago)
It's a lovely fic!
All the best to you.

[evangellie.livejournal.com]

Thank you!
That's very sweet of you to comment again. &hearts

[sho88.livejournal.com]

The ending line is perfect! Loved it1
I'm going to remember this fic for a long time! I really enjoyed reading it
Thanks for writing it! :D

[evangellie.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much! I'm happy you liked it. &hearts

[museelo.livejournal.com]

I loved this fic, thank you for sharing it with us :)

[evangellie.livejournal.com]

Thank you for reading and commenting! I am happy you liked it! <3

[changmin-amour.livejournal.com]

Je l'aime! Et yay pour le fin heureux!
Merci bien!

[evangellie.livejournal.com]

Merci. <3

[heavlee.livejournal.com]

Hi !!

Okay, I'm french too, but I'll write in english, since most of the readers can read english but not french (supposing they are interested in my opinion :) )

1) I know you wrote this fic years ago, but I am new in this community, so I am reading old fics as well as new ones.

2) I loved this story. Especially the somehow bittersweet ending, which is very realistic.

3) Sorry, but I would like to say something about how was your writing in the first chapters, and in the last ones, but I'm so tired that I can't bring myself to write it in english. So :
Oui, en effet, il y a une évolution. Je pense qu'elles est en partie due au fait que les premiers chapitres étaient plutôt "fluffy", alors que les derniers étaient "angsty". Ce qui est étonnant, c'est que tu as--il me semble--fait du personnage de Min quelqu'un de très mature, et sûr de lui dans les premiers chapitres, mais qu'il devient assez... 'innocent'?, plein de sentiments d'insécurité, dans les derniers, comme si la perte de la mémoire l'avait fait régresser vers un stade plus enfantin, ce qui peut s'expliquer par la perte de repères (la mémoire), et d'identité. Il est donc inattendu de voir que c'est qd il est "innocent" que l'histoire est la plus intense et inversement( au début, il réfléchit, conclut qu'il aime et se confesse, le tout comme s'il résolvait un système d'équations. A la fin, il est comme emporté par les événements, les sentiments, et avoue malgré lui, après avoir tenté désespérément de nier la vérité). C'est, je trouve une qualité de ton écriture.
D'autre part, tu as donné à l'amour une valeur--ou tu en as donné une vision--très positive, quasi sur-dimensionnelle au sens où tu en as fait quelque chose d'immanent à la personne : c'est une chose qui est là, qui fait partie de l'être, et qui donc n'a pas été--ne peut pas être--effacée par l'accident, un peu comme les organes. Il a été abîmé-au sens où il ne prend pas la même forme qu'au début (il est en quelque sorte intuitif, alors qu'au début il résultait de connaissances, et notamment de la connaissance de l'être aimé, Jae).
Par ailleurs, la mémoire est une "collection" de choses acquises, tandis qu'on a l'impression que l'amour était là dès le début, que Min était comme prédestiné à aimer Jaejoong. D'où sa résistance au choc de l'accident.

Okay, I'm exhausted, I don't even know if I made sense (even though it's my native language). I also don't know if it is interesting for you since you wrote it so many years ago.

Anyway, thank you so much for sharing :)

Bye:)

[evangellie.livejournal.com]

Hi!

1) It's never too late to read and comment!

2) Aww.. Thank you!

3) Déjà, merci beaucoup pour ton long commentaire. Ça fait vraiment plaisir quand quelqu'un se donne de la peine, comme ça. <3 C'est la première fois que quelqu'un analyse ce que j'écris. Merci! Je suis d'accords sur tous tes points (je n'avais pas penser à la 'sur-dimensionnellité' de la représentation que j'avais fait de l'amour. Mmm.. J'étais bien romantique. xD)

Désolé mon commentaire est trop tard et court! Mais merci beaucoup!

It makes sense. Thanks again! It is interesting. It's interesting also to think my vision of love has changed quite a bit...

You're welcome! Thanks for leaving such an awesome comment!

Bye! :D