it's really good. i love how you worked on the action, it's going fast but that's a good thing and you made a very good job on changmin's pov as it's easy to grasp his fear and surprise and everything. just a little something, maybe showing more shock when he realizes the man is yunho? or maybe you made it on purpose, it comes out a little as if he had been expecting it in a way? but that's the only thing. the writing is really good and omgomgomg the girl oo i was so surprised when he shot her, just like that omg oo that was awesome!
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2011-02-09 09:58 pm (UTC)it's really good. i love how you worked on the action, it's going fast but that's a good thing and you made a very good job on changmin's pov as it's easy to grasp his fear and surprise and everything. just a little something, maybe showing more shock when he realizes the man is yunho? or maybe you made it on purpose, it comes out a little as if he had been expecting it in a way? but that's the only thing. the writing is really good and omgomgomg the girl oo i was so surprised when he shot her, just like that omg oo that was awesome!